just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
