Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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