Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize