I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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