clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
