I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
