How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
