Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
