Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my vag is so smooth its legendary
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
