I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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