I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize