My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
