Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
