My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
