remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
