filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
