Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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