If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
