did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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