So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
