Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If its not for food we ain't going out.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
