My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Small penises have feelings too.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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