Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
