you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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