careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
