did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she pinky promised me she was 18
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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