This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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