oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Randomize
