the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize