Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
