Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
