Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
