The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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