Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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