He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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