we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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