not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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