when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
