May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
