i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize