I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
