you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
