I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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