I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
