Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
