I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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