Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
