i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
