its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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