Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
