Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
