This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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