apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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