I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
