hotel room ftw
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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