Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize