Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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