I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
