That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
