I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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