I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
