just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
