Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
