Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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