I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
