PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
