Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
