So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
