You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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