these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
