why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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